TOW the Prolouge
by Geller Bing
Summary: Chandler and Monica are forced to deal with the loss of their love and the loss of their son...Rated for PG13 for some language and heated situations
1. TOW The Prolouge

PROLOUGE  
  
It was a beautiful day and Monica was headed out for a day of shopping with Rachel and Phoebe. Chandler would have loved to go to a baseball game with Joey, Ross, Ben, and Sean, but Joey was out of town and Ross and Ben were already going to a movie. The sun looked as though it planned on shining for the rest of the day and the temperature was a cool 85 degrees, and it was a perfect day to take Sean to Central Park for a game of catch.  
  
"Hey Sean," Chandler knocked on the door to his sons room.  
  
"Yeah Dad?" Sean appeared from the bathroom.  
  
"Oh I thought you were in your room," Chandler chuckled, "How would you like to go play catch in the park?"  
  
"Cool!" the 4 year old grinned broadly as he hurried to his room and came back with his glove and ball.  
  
Chandler locked the apartment behind him and grabbed Sean's hand as they walked the few blocks to Central Park. Near the open area where they always played catch there was a hotdog vendor. Sean's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he pleaded to his father for just one hotdog!  
  
"Okay," Chandler said as they crossed to the hot dog stand.  
  
Sean stood behind Chandler in line. Sean was rattling off about something that happened on Scooby Doo earlier that week. "Um, yes, we'd like 2 hotdogs, one with just ketchup and the other with ketchup, mustard, and relish." Chandler ordered. 


	2. TOW Chandler's Guilt

TOW CHANLDER'S GUILT  
  
The detectives said all the trails had been dead end. They weren't going to find him. The couple had been unlucky, most cases like this the child would turn up even if it was a dead body. And no matter how tragic it was if the child was dead then the parents were allowed a chance to grieve. Monica entered the apartment and Chandler was behind her.  
  
Monica looked at the couch where the toys Sean had been instructed to clean up 4 months ago had long since been forgotten. Chandler and Monica had touched nothing in the apartment unless it was absolutely necessary. If they didn't do anything then the constant reminder that Sean wasn't there was not so prominent. Today she had finally conceded that it would be time to clean up and move on.  
  
Their story had made headlines. Considering they had spared no expense and just about every top detective from all 50 states had been hired to help in the search for Sean. 'Young boy stolen from his Father's side in New York', 'Child abducted in Central Park' were the top stories on newspapers everywhere! And they were alos a constant reminder to Chandler and Monica that their son was gone, for good.  
  
Joey entered the apartment as soon as he realized the Bings were home, "How did it go?" he hated to break the silence, but he had to know.  
  
"They gave up," Chandler said simply the tears stinging his eyes.  
  
"Oh, Chandler," Joey hugged his friend, "I-I'm so sorry!"  
  
Sean had been gone for 4 months and each and every day Joey said a little prayer. Sean was his godson and they had shared a special bond. Everyone was touched by the loss and his or her hopes were thin, and Joey only hoped that they could find finality in this whole mess. It was almost relieving to find out that the boy was gone for good. As of today Chandler and Monica could begin rebuilding their lives and become the two they once were. ~***~ The search for Sean was officially over and all his pictures in the apartment had been packed away in a box in Monica's closet at the end of the hall. Chandler and Monica hadn't exchanged any words in the last 2 days. And in the 2 weeks since the search had ended they talked only when it was absolutely necessary.  
  
Chandler sat on the couch whenever he was not at work or eating. Monica spent most of her time cleaning the apartment and tomorrow she had decided she would empty Sean's room out.  
  
She hated to blame Chandler for what had happened to her son, but what else could she do? All she wanted was for Sean to make a mess in the living room again or to splash water all over the bathroom while she attempted to bathe him. It was something she never thought she'd miss; she hated anyone who made a mess!  
  
Monica looked at Chandler's blank face and she inhaled a deep breath when she remembered how much Sean looked like his father, "Good night Chandler."  
  
"Good night, Monica," He replied softly. ~***~ "C'mon son!" Chandler called to Sean, "Let's fly a kite."  
  
The little fingers reached for the string and Chandler demonstrated how the proper way to hold it. As they felt a gust of wind coming on father and son began to run and soon the kite was flying high above.  
  
"Look Daddy!" Sean exclaimed, "Its flying! I'm flying a kite!"  
  
"Come on Mon, turn off the video, you need to fly too!" Chandler motioned towards the camera.  
  
The TV went blank. That video had been made the weekend before the disappearance. Sean loved the park and Monica and Chandler took him there whenever their busy schedules allowed.  
  
"I only looked away for a second," Chandler whispered to himself, "I was just getting the money out of my wallet and then he wasn't there."  
  
At first it was just a few tears running down his cheek, but for the first time since the disappearance Chandler Bing cried. His shoulders heaved in heavy sobs and he wailed loudly, like a child. Monica was stirred from her sleep as she heard Chandler's cries. Part of her wanted to comfort him, it was hard to lose a child especially when you were as emotionally closed off as Chandler was.  
  
Chandler finally ran out of the energy to cry anymore and his body relaxed into a sleep. His sleep only lasted a few hours, because Monica woke him up to get dressed for work.  
  
Monica looked at him hardly as he reentered the room and handed him toast. Chandler sighed he knew what Monica was thinking. She blamed him. The looks she shot him every day were enough to make him want to die. The one thing that was left in his life was ready to leave. Monica, the woman he was destined to spend the rest of his life with knew he had lost their child. ~***~ "Hey Chandler!" Joey caught Chandler as he was entering the hallway on his way home.  
  
"Hey Joe," Chandler said softly trying to smile.  
  
"Okay, so I got some tickets to the Knicks, you're there right?" Joey asked, "Tonight?"  
  
"Ross going?" Chandler wondered.  
  
"Duh!" Joey chuckled, "We should be leaving pretty soon."  
  
"I don't think I'm going to take you up on that Joe, I've got some things to do," Chandler told his friend.  
  
"Like what? Watch porn? I'm there!" Joey asked.  
  
"No, I think I'm just going to sit around and think, maybe talk to Monica," Chandler answered.  
  
"Like that's going to happen," Joey said sarcastically.  
  
"What's that's supposed to mean?" Chandler asked defensively.  
  
"When was the last time you talked to her?"  
  
Chandler thought for a moment, "This morning."  
  
"What did you say? Morning Mon," Joey asked.  
  
Chandler nodded slowly. Leave It to Joey to point out that his marriage was failing. Like he didn't already have reminders of it everyday. Chandler watched Joey for a moment and he sighed, "I've gotta go Joe."  
  
Chandler entered the apartment and he found Monica standing in front of the door to Sean's room. It was obvious she'd been there a while and she hadn't found the courage to enter the forbidden territory.  
  
Monica turned to face Chandler and spoke softly, "Hi."  
  
"Hi Monica," Chandler stood for a moment and then entered the bedroom he shared with Monica.  
  
Chandler opened the door to the closet and pulled out his 3 suitcases. Finally he found the courage to empty his clothes from the closet and dresser and put them in the suitcases. He grabbed his briefcase and the suitcases and stumbled from the room. Monica heard him banging around as she sat in Sean's room holding close to her chest the teddy bear that the boy cherished so much. She ignored Chandler's noise as she felt the first tears of sadness burn her eyes.  
  
His suitcases and briefcase contained all of Chandler Bing's belongings, his only things left in the apartment were his small collection of CD's he'd merged with Monica's. He placed the key to the apartment on the counter.  
  
A soft sigh escaped his lips and he said, "Good bye Monica. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Hey Chandler!" Joey came up the stairs, "Whoa! What's all this?"  
  
"I can't stay there," Chandler told Joey as he fought back tears, "I lost our son, and Monica blames me."  
  
"She does?" Joey asked confused, "Come on dude, you can stay with me." ~**~ 


	3. TOW Monica's Missing Husband

TOW Monica's Missing Husband "His closet is empty and he's nowhere to be found," Monica told Rachel and Phoebe.  
  
"He can't just have disappeared into thin air," Rachel argued.  
  
"Hey it could happen," Phoebe says, "I remember it happened to my boyfriend. We were building the pyramids-"  
  
"Pheebs, something that happened to you in a past life doesn't work here," Rachel shushed her friend, "But seriously Mon, I'm guessing he's at Joey's. Have you checked there?"  
  
Monica shook her head, "What would I say if I found him?"  
  
Monica leaned back on the couch. She couldn't believe it; her husband of almost 6 years was gone. Rachel and Phoebe wanted more than anything to comfort their best friend in her time of struggle.  
  
However, there wasn't much they could do. It was hard to fathom what Monica was struggling through. Rachel could never lose Emma and losing Ross on top of that would be the most horrible thing that could ever happen to her!  
  
"Do you want us to stay with you tonight?" Rachel offered for both Phoebe and herself.  
  
"Could you? I don't think I can sleep alone tonight," Monica sighed, she'd technically been sleeping alone since the disappearance of Sean, but Chandler had always been in the other room and now Chandler was nowhere. ~***~ Chandler sat in Joey's recliner and stared intently at the blank TV. All he could think of was what he could have done to save Sean. Holding his child's hand was the obvious one and then of course he could have just had Sean stand in front of him in line that way he would have seen someone take him.  
  
As he reminisced about that day he also thought of Monica. In the last 5 months he'd begun to think that the most wonderful woman in the world suddenly wasn't. She was still beautiful, but she was like a shell of her former self and she no longer thought of Chandler as wonderful. She blamed him for what had happened to Sean. And if he wasn't there to remind her of his irresponsibility then maybe she could move on and be happy. What he was doing was for Monica's own good.  
  
Joey hung up the phone and turned to Chandler, "That was Ross. Pheebs and Rachel are staying with Monica tonight. They want to know if you're here."  
  
"Mon doesn't know? good," Chandler stated, "That way she can't come find me. Has Ross told Rachel?"  
  
"I don't think so, but all three of the girls are staying at your old apartment," Joey told him.  
  
"Chandler?" Joey took a seat on the couch in his living room.  
  
"Hmmm?" Chandler responded.  
  
"What are you trying to accomplish by leaving Monica?" Joey wondered, he wasn't good with romances and long loving relationships, and often Chandler could out show him on knowledge like that; however, in this case he disagreed with Chandler's choice and wanted to be enlightened.  
  
"Every time she looks at me I know she blames me for losing Sean, and it was my fault," Chandler sighed, "If she doesn't see me she can move on and be happy."  
  
"So you're doing this for Monica?" Joey confirmed.  
  
Chandler answered with a nod.  
  
Joey shook his head, Chandler was definitely certifiable, he was married to Monica one of the most beautiful people Joey had ever known and he wanted to throw that all away? Joey inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly, "Chandler, do you love your wife?" ~***~ "Why don't you go relax and take a bath?" Rachel offered to Monica.  
  
"And Rachel and I will fix us some Manhattans," Phoebe suggested, "Do you have any alcohol around?"  
  
"Probably not," Monica sighed, "Chandler probably keeps some beer in the fridge but that's the extent. And I'm perfectly happy just to drink one of those."  
  
Rachel and Phoebe sat on the couch as Monica entered the bathroom. They heard the water running in the tub and when it stopped they knew Monica would immerse herself in the water and be content to stay there for hours.  
  
"I think he's at Joey's," Rachel told Phoebe.  
  
"Who? Chandler?" Phoebe wondered.  
  
"Yes Chandler," Rachel chuckled, "Maybe we should head over, Mon will be in the tub forever."  
  
"Maybe we can talk some sense into one of them," Phoebe agreed, "And it doesn't look like Monica is going to be much use, she misses Sean too much."  
  
"Do you think Chandler doesn't?" Rachel wondered.  
  
"No, I'm just thinking Chandler is more worried about Monica," Phoebe corrected herself.  
  
"Well, lets go," Rachel stood up and called to Monica, "Mon, we're just stepping out."  
  
Monica responded with a muffled voice, "Okay."  
  
Rachel and Phoebe felt guilty as they hurried out of the apartment. Rachel reached for the knob to Joey's apartment and to her dismay it was locked. After knocking on it they conceded that either Joey and Chandler had managed to be silent or they really weren't there.  
  
"Maybe Ross knows where they are," Phoebe offered.  
  
"Nah, when I called him earlier he said that he was pretty sure they were at Joey's," Rachel explained, "And he said that he was taking Em to a movie."  
  
"This late?" Phoebe questioned.  
  
"Ross is a big boy," Rachel laughed as they reentered the apartment.  
  
Monica had just emerged from the bathroom with her robe around her body and her hair up in a clip. She smiled at her friends as she grabbed a beer for each of them from the refrigerator. All 3 women had the distinct feeling that tonight Monica could feel better, at least while she was under the heavy influence of alcohol. ~***~ Joey and Chandler had gone out with Ross and Emma to the movies. And it was all Chandler could do to keep from crying as he watched the kid movie. Sean had loved to go the movies and when Monica or Chandler finally took him he would insist on popcorn, pop, and candy although he never ate much of anything.  
  
"I miss taking Sean to those," Chandler told Joey as he collapsed into the easy chair.  
  
"Kid movies?" Joey wondered, "Do you want a beer?"  
  
"No thanks," Chandler denied, "I'm actually just going to head off to bed."  
  
"Night," Joey said.  
  
"Night Joe," Chandler smiled as he left the living room.  
  
It had been a long time since Chandler and Joey had been roomies. And although Chandler had adjusted to living with Monica she was so uptight and everything had to be clean he still found himself missing Joey. It just felt right to have his best friend be his roomie and even if it was only until he had settled his differences with Monica living with Joey was great and Chandler wasn't sure if he wanted to go back to his wife. ~***~ "You know what?" Monica asked as she entered the Geller's apartment after work.  
  
"What?" Rachel looked up from helping Emma write her letters.  
  
"I'm done, I'm done waiting for Chandler to come talk to me," Monica said sharply, "I'm sick of it. If he won't talk then we're through!"  
  
"Through?" Rachel wondered, "Are you sure Monica?"  
  
"I'm sure," Monica repeated, "Okay, yes Chandler should be shaken up, he lost a son. But, that was over 5 months ago and its time to move on. And if that means staying at his friends house then he doesn't need me."  
  
"Mommy?" Emma found it an opportune time to talk, "Can I go play in my room? I'll do this later."  
  
"Go ahead," Rachel allowed her daughter to move along, "And Mon, don't you love Chandler? Are you ready to let all that go?"  
  
"Love?" Monica asked and shook her head slowly, "I don't know Rach, I really don't know." 


	4. TOW They Feel Nothing

TOW They Feel Nothing  
  
Monica entered Joey's apartment without knocking. The night before she'd told Rachel of her ultimatum about Chandler. Now it was time to tell Chandler. Chandler and Joey were seated in front of the TV watching Baywatch.  
  
"Hey Mon," Joey turned around and saw Monica.  
  
"Hi Joey, uh," Monica tried to kick Joey out.  
  
"Oh, um Chandler I gotta go," Joey got out of the chair and grabbed his jacket as he left.  
  
"Whats up?" Chandler turned off the TV and looked to Monica, "Have a seat."  
  
Chandler watched her take a seat, the shirt she was wearing was skin fitting and tight, and her jeans the same. As his eyes overviewed her body he suddenly became terribly scared, he wasn't turned on. Ever since that night in London just looking at Monica made him want her, and she didn't usually wear tight clothes.  
  
"Chandler," Monica said softly, "We need to talk."  
  
Chandler studied Monica's face, if he could read any emotions from her eyes he could have known what to say. Her face was blank.  
  
"You left me," Monica stated simply, "You never told me where you were going."  
  
"Mon let me explain," Chandler tried to argue, and then sighed there was nothing to explain.  
  
"You left me alone," Monica said as she swallowed the lump buried deep in her throat that was preventing her from speaking, "I didn't know what to do."  
  
Chandler stayed silent as Monica spoke. Monica finally sighed and she remembered what it was like to be alone and suddenly the anger she'd been keeping inside began to come out, "And it was horrible Chandler! I hated it! Here's what I came here to tell you, either you come back or its over. And I'm not going to lead you on by saying it will be all right if you come home, it won't!" She glared at him and finished, "Chandler Bing, you hurt me."  
  
"Monica-er," Chandler sighed, "I don't know what to say."  
  
Monica turned towards the door, "Think about it, be there by midnight or not at all."  
  
"Wait, Monica! Your making me make a life altering decision in," Chandler glanced at his watch, "3 hours?" Monica nodded simply and opened the door. She sent a longing glance towards Chandler and walked the short distance across the hall to the apartment. The emptiness consumed her and she sunk into the couch. A single tear trickled down her cheek as if she hoped that all the answers would come to her if she cried. ~***~ It was 11:30 that night when Chandler and his suitcases came back into the apartment. The decision had been tough, he wasn't sure he still felt the same way about Monica, but if he did he wasn't sure if he was going to risk all that he had felt once. Chandler saw her curled up on the couch and he leaned over the back to see if she was sleeping or not. The puffiness around her eyes let him know she'd cried herself to sleep.  
  
Monica was stirred from her sleep as she heard noise from the bedroom. Chandler was back! She smiled slightly as she went to the door of the room. Chandler was slowly putting his clothes back in the closet.  
  
"You came back," Monica whispered.  
  
Oblivious to Monica's presence Chandler jumped when he heard Monica's voice, "Yeah."  
  
Monica looked in horror at how unorganized Chandler was putting his clothes back, "Chandler, let me do that. You're doing it all wrong."  
  
Chandler smiled slightly and nodded, "Go ahead." ~***~ The next morning was a Saturday and Monica had decided they would unlock the front door and talk through their relationship. Her only fear and she was sure it matched Chandler's was that maybe there wasn't anything to talk about and it was over.  
  
Monica was cleaning the dishes from breakfast while Chandler was in the bathroom shaving. They finished at almost the same time and with a sigh Monica sat in the easy chair next to the couch and Chandler dropped into the couch.  
  
"Um, so?" Chandler started.  
  
"Why?" Monica asked simply.  
  
"Why what?" Chandler wondered.  
  
"You left me Chandler," Monica said softly.  
  
"I'm sorry," Chandler sighed, "Its just every time I looked into your eyes I saw pain. And I knew it was my fault. I didn't want you to have to live with me, the constant reminder that I lost your son."  
  
Monica was taken aback. She had partly blamed Chandler, but not because he had been there. More because she had to blame someone and Chandler was the easiest person to blame.  
  
"Chandler," Monica sighed and stood up.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I can't stay here, I don't want to spend all day crying," Monica told him.  
  
"But you said no matter what we have to stay here," Chandler grabbed her arm.  
  
Monica shook her arm free, "Let go of me!" she glared at him.  
  
"Monica," Chandler tried to make her stay, but he didn't want her to stay.  
  
"Monica what?" Monica asked crudely as she pulled her coat on.  
  
"Have a good time," He told her sharply.  
  
As Monica exited the apartment she realized she had nowhere to go. There was no one to talk to, the other 4 of her friends already knew their problems and she had a feeling that they were all sick of the Bing's problems. ~***~ "Where the hell is she?" Chandler asked himself 4 hours after Monica had left.  
  
Chandler reached for the phone and dialed Joey's, then the Geller's, and finally Phoebe none of them had seen her. He grabbed the phone book and searched the number for Central Perk. Gunther hadn't seen Monica since the morning before. Chandler reached for the door knob just as the door was opening.  
  
He let a small shriek out, he hadn't touched the door, he heard chuckling as his eyes met with Monica's.  
  
"Where have you been?" Chandler asked harshly.  
  
"The hallway," Monica answered simply.  
  
"The hallway as in the one between this apartment and Joey's?"  
  
"What other hallway is there Chandler?" Monica wondered sarcastically.  
  
"You were out there for 4 hours?" Chandler demanded, "What were you doing out there?"  
  
"Crying," Monica sighed.  
  
"About what?" Chandler wanted to kick himself after he spoke, he had realized that was a really uncaring question.  
  
"I just lost my husband," Monica sighed, "And my son."  
  
"What?" Chandler asked in astonishment, "You lost a husband?"  
  
"Chandler do you love me?" Monica asked.  
  
"What kind of a question is that? I married you," Chandler said.  
  
"Kiss me," Monica insisted.  
  
Chandler walked to Monica, almost propelled by a greater force than his own will. He reached for her and brought their body's close. As he brought their lips together into a kiss he wanted to cry, he'd had better kisses than that. Not just from Monica, from his worst girlfriends!  
  
Monica turned away, "Chandler?"  
  
"Did you feel-" Chandler was interrupted by Monica.  
  
"Nothing," She said softly. ~***~ Monica wasn't mad, she wasn't hurt, she wasn't confused, she was numb. She didn't know what to make of everything she felt, or didn't feel about Chandler. It was almost as if her brain had shut down and she was running in neutral. It was the morning after their uneventful kiss, and to escape it all Monica was in Central Perk drinking coffee with Rachel, Ross, Emma and Phoebe.  
  
"What are Chandler and Joey doing?" Rachel asked.  
  
"I really don't know," Monica said softly, "I don't pry."  
  
"Well, last night Joey was talking about the huge stack of porn he had rented from the video store," Ross piped up.  
  
"That sounds like something they'd do," Phoebe commented.  
  
"Mommy! I'm bored," Emma complained to Rachel.  
  
"Ross, will you take her over to the park," Rachel asked.  
  
"Its freezing outside Rach," Ross complained, "And why do I have to why can't you?"  
  
"Okay, go home," Rachel said, "Pheebs and I are talking to Monica."  
  
Ross snarled and left the coffee house hurriedly. Rachel turned to Monica and sighed, "So, tell me again what exactly happened? Everything."  
  
"Well, he came back at probably 11:30 Friday night," Monica relayed the entire story to Rachel and Phoebe.  
  
"You felt nothing in that kiss?" Phoebe confirmed, "But Chandler is like the best kisser ever. I remember when we first got back from London and he had to kiss Rach and I every time he left the room."  
  
"Your reminiscing about kissing my husband?" Monica asked harshly.  
  
"Sorry," Phoebe said guiltily.  
  
"I don't know Monica," Rachel sighed, "What do you feel about him now?"  
  
"I'm totally empty inside, I feel nothing," Monica sighed, "The only thing I feel is the pain from my burnt tongue because I drank my coffee too fast." ~***~ "Don't you just love porn?" Joey asked as the 3rd movie ended.  
  
"Its okay," Chandler sighed.  
  
"Okay? Just okay? Porn is great! There's nothing better!" Joey exclaimed, "Chandler what's wrong?"  
  
"I don't know," Chandler sighed heavily.  
  
"Dude, something's got to be wrong," Joey complained, "You love porn! Next your going to tell me that you don't want to watch Bay watch reruns with me?"  
  
"Bay watch? Not really," Chandler told him, "You could throw away all the porn and I really wouldn't care."  
  
"You're a sick sick man Chandler Bing," Joey told his friend bluntly, "Something IS wrong, is it Monica?"  
  
"I just don't really care, I don't care about anything," Chandler said.  
  
Joey sighed. Porn was the best thing in the world, eating was the only thing that even measured up to it. And Chandler had always felt the same way, drop anything your doing for porn was his motto. And now Chandler didn't feel anything he could care less about Bay watch and porn? That was just horrible! ~***~ 


	5. TOW Chandler courts Monica

TOW Chandler courts Monica  
  
"You know," Chandler sighed as he and Joey shared a pizza.  
  
"What?" Joey turned to the refrigerator to grab a beer.  
  
"The single life is great, I'd forgotten what it was like," Chandler explained in a reminiscent tone.  
  
"That's why I'm never going to marry," Joey told his friend.  
  
"NEVER marry? Come on the single life is great and I love it, but never!" Chandler asked taken aback, "Being married is wonderful. There's a beautiful woman you wake up to every morning. She's your best friend and always there to talk to you and you can have sex with her whenever you want. And it is wonderful to know that you'll always have the most perfect woman for the rest of your life."  
  
"But, it never lasts does it?" Joey wondered, "I mean look at your parents, look at you and Monica! Why waste your life for something that won't last?"  
  
"It DOES last Joey, look at Ross and Rachel," Chandler explained, "And Monica and I, well, we're an exception to the rule. And have you met my parents? Never compare yourself to them!"  
  
"Are you sure married life is for everybody?" Joey questioned.  
  
"If it isn't then those who it isn't for are missing out on a lot," Chandler admitted, "And I'm missing out on a lot."  
  
"Are you saying that you want Monica back?" Joey wondered, "I've never heard you talk this way before."  
  
"Yeah I guess I do, I mean she is Monica BING," Chandler sighed, "I love her. Now that I know I can't have her I love her."  
  
"Go tell her that," Joey coaxed his friend.  
  
"I can't, she doesn't feel the same way, I have to make her feel this way," Chandler explained.  
  
"Flowers," Joey stated simply.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Girls always love flowers," Joey told Chandler, "Send her a flower for every day you've known her."  
  
"Joey that would cost like a million dollars," Chandler said.  
  
"Well then do one for every day you've been married," Joey offered.  
  
"How about one lily for every year I've known her," Chandler told Joey, "I think that's been almost 20 years."  
  
"She'll love that," Joey stated, "If she doesn't she's crazy." ~***~ "He sent me 20 flowers," Monica snarled as she told Rachel over the phone.  
  
"20? Oh for every year you've known each other?" Rachel wondered, "That is so sweet."  
  
"He's just trying to get laid," Monica told her friend.  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"I'm going to send them back. And tell him their for every horrible year in my life."  
  
"Were they really horrible?" Rachel asked.  
  
"Not too horrible, but I regret them, because I don't love him," Monica told her.  
  
"You don't love him?" Rachel was taken aback, "I just thought you were confused."  
  
"I've had a sudden burst of clarity," Monica said simply. ~***~ Joey finished helping Chandler pick out something to wear. Why it mattered neither one of them knew, but they felt that Chandler should look nice and upstanding when he paid Monica a visit.  
  
"Okay, so what are you going to do?" Joey asked.  
  
Chandler ran through the whole plan with Joey one last time. Chandler smiled at his friend as he left the apartment and Joey opened the door just a crack to listen to the two talking.  
  
"Hello?" Monica called as she looked through the peephole, "Chandler go away!"  
  
"Please Monica just listen to me," Chandler begged.  
  
"Okay talk," Monica opened the door and stared him down with her hands folded across her chest.  
  
"Monica, I was talking to Joey the other day," Chandler started.  
  
"Wow! You live with him and you were talking to him that's amazing," Monica said sarcastically.  
  
"Please Mon," Chandler begged, "Okay and I realized how much I miss you. And being married, the married life is really for me. And I'm not ready to give it or you up!"  
  
"Chandler you really are lower than dirt," Monica snarled.  
  
"What do you mean?" Chandler was taken aback.  
  
"I know its been a while since you've had sex, but to go this low to get laid? That's just pathetic!"  
  
"I wasn't Monica! That wasn't what the point of this visit was!" Chandler defended himself to the shut door.  
  
"Man, I'm so sorry," Joey opened the door from his apartment.  
  
"That wasn't why I went over there, I swear!" Chandler told Joey as he fought back the tears and entered the apartment.  
  
"I know," Joey tried to comfort his friend. ~***~ "He came over last night," Monica told Rachel the next evening as they watched 'Dangerous Liason's' at Monica's.  
  
Rachel tore her eyes from the screen, "Chandler? What did he want?"  
  
"Something about missing me, and how married life was for him," Monica shrugged.  
  
"Oh, that's so sweet," Rachel smiled, "Ross never said that to me."  
  
"Ross never left you," Monica argued, "Anyways he just wants to get sex, because he can't get a date."  
  
Rachel scoffed and shook her head, "Monica, did it ever occur to you that chandler is possible just being sincere?"  
  
"Trust me, I know Chandler when he's being sincere," Monica stated simply.  
  
"Are you sure you really do?" Rachel wondered.  
  
"Know Chandler?"  
  
"Yes," Rachel confirmed.  
  
"Well, I did know him," Monica admitted with a sigh, "But that Chandler never would have left me in the first place."  
  
A somber looked came over Monica's face and she turned to the TV. Rachel knew her friend too well to actually push the subject and tried to pay attention to the movie. ~***~ Chandler, Ross, and Rachel were in the coffee house before work drinking coffee and reading the morning paper.  
  
"Rachel," Chandler finally spoke.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You were at Monica's last night weren't you?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Are you spying on me?" Rachel chuckled.  
  
"I was just wondering if she mentioned me, at all?" Chandler wondered.  
  
"A little," Rachel semi-lied.  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"Chandler!" Rachel exclaimed, "Monica and I talk without you for a reason. Don't make me say something I'm going to regret." ~***~ Chandler sighed; he was so close to giving up. Nothing was going to change Monica's mind. He would give it one last try, and it had to be really good this time. It would have to come from the heart. The worst part about that was everything he'd done had been straight from the heart, not like Monica had claimed. He was running out of ideas.  
  
Monica was perfect. At times Chandler wanted to dispute that and lately he'd wanted to do just that quite often. However, in his heart of hearts he knew that she really was. If she knew he felt that way then maybe, just maybe she'd realize that he wanted her back. And she would realize how she felt about him.  
  
As he reminisced about their relationship, from the first time they met up to their wedding when he 'freaked out'. He suddenly remembered when she had proposed to him, she had set up almost 25 candles in their living room to produce a dim light source. It was the most romantic time of either one of their lives. ~***~ Monica had to be out of the apartment. And it had to be for longer than just a cup of coffee. Which meant that Chandler would have to take the day off from work and sneak into her apartment. The thought that breaking and entering was a felony had entered his mind and he knew very well that she would call the cops. Chandler decided he was going to take his chances.  
  
The boxes of candles were lined up along the edge of his bed. And the order to the flower shop for the red roses he would need was in and he was to pick them up in the morning. As he lay in bed Chandler hoped sleep would come so that he would be able to work quickly and efficiently the next day. ~***~ Chandler had spent most of the morning setting up the candles in the living room the way Monica had done when they became engaged. After that he'd spent some time deciding whether to draw a bath with bath salts and special scents and set candles around it or cover the bed spread with rose petals and light the room with candles. Finally, he had decided to draw the bath.  
  
A dozen roses lay on the coffee table as Chandler finished lighting the candles. Chandler glanced at his watch and realized he only had 20 minutes. Taking several breaths to stay calm he placed the lighter back where it belonged. Finally he headed back to the bathroom to draw the bath and fix it perfectly. He made it slightly warm so it wouldn't cool off before Monica got in. He grabbed the roses and held them as he waited for Monica to enter the apartment.  
  
The day had been horrible, there had been 2 fires and 3 of her employees hadn't showed up. Monica entered her apartment and tossed her hat across the kitchen and reached to turn the lights on when she realized that standing in front of her was Chandler smiling warily at her. Monica gasped as she saw what Chandler had done.  
  
"Chandler Bing, you never cease to amaze me," Monica said.  
  
"And you never cease to amaze me," Chandler smiled.  
  
"That wasn't a compliment," Monica snapped, "You'll do anything to get it won't you?"  
  
"Goddamit Monica! I spent my whole entire day trying to do something nice for you and this is what I get as payment?" Chandler yelled, "You never cease to amaze me! You are not the same woman I married Monica!"  
  
He shot a sad, hurt glance at Monica before leaving the apartment and slamming the door. Chandler glared at Rachel and Emma as they came up the hallway to visit Monica.  
  
"Whoa! What happened to him?" Rachel asked as they walked into Monica's apartment, "Wow did he do all this?"  
  
"Isn't that cheap?" Monica asked sharply.  
  
"Cheap? Monica, this probably took him all day to do this, "Rachel argued.  
  
"Help me get rid of all this stuff," Monica began to blow all of the candles in the living room out.  
  
Emma, happy at the chance to blow out candles, followed her aunt Monica around and began to help her. Rachel entered the bathroom and smiled. She shook her head in admiration; she would love to have a husband who would go to this much trouble to get her back. As much as Ross loved her even Rachel didn't think he would go this far to get his wife.  
  
"Monica? Did you see this?" Rachel called.  
  
"What?" Monica and Emma entered the bathroom, "Did he do all this?"  
  
"Well, I obviously didn't do it," Rachel laughed, "Don't you think this is sweet?"  
  
"Not really, can you blow out the candles and empty the bath in here, I'll fix dinner," Monica offered, "I'm assuming Ross is still at that dinosaur conference in Phoenix."  
  
"Yeah," Rachel smiled, "Do you want my help?"  
  
"You just clean up the bathroom," Monica instructed, "Hey, Emma do you want to watch TV? I'm sure cartoons are on."  
  
"Thanks Aunt Monica," Emma smiled. ~***~ "I can't do this anymore!" Chandler complained to Joey during a Bay watch commercial.  
  
"If you love her you can't give up," Joey argued.  
  
"Joey, you could have said that after the roses or even when I visited her! Do you realize how much work I put in today? 8 hours straight!" Chandler exclaimed.  
  
"Chandler, I realize that," Joey sighed, "Are you willing to give her up?"  
  
"I kind of already have," Chandler admitted.  
  
Joey shook his head in dismissal of Chandler. Chandler sighed and got up from his chair and headed into his bedroom to play solitaire on his computer. As Bay Watch returned Joey debated between following his friend and watching the hot babes of the television.  
  
Finally, the good friend Joey tore himself from the screen and entered Chandler's room, "Chandler, do you remember what you told me about how great it was to be married?"  
  
"I know, I told you how great it was," Chandler sighed, "But, both people in the marriage have to love each other, that's the loophole in the whole marriage situation."  
  
"Chandler, listen to me," Joey snapped, "She does love you! She's just mad, no one knows really why, but she DOES love you!"  
  
"If she loved me then she would come back! And not think I want her back just for sex," Chandler fought back tears, "She doesn't love me!"  
  
Joey left Chandler to himself and his worries. Chandler sighed and fought the tears that were stinging his eyes. Never had he been more in love with Monica than at this very moment, and the worst part about that was never had she been less in love with Chandler than at this very moment. Chandler threw himself against he pillow and sighed. He couldn't live without Monica. ~***~ It was Saturday and Chandler planned to spend the whole day at the mall. He was bound to find something that was Monica. As he was passing the jewelry store, he stopped inside, maybe he'd buy her a bracelet or a necklace.  
  
"Can I help you sir?" The sales clerk asked.  
  
"I don't know," Chandler sighed, "I want to get a necklace or a bracelet for my wife, do you have anything that just screams 'I love you'."  
  
"Hmmm," The clerk looked, "Price range?"  
  
"Under 1,000," Chandler answered.  
  
"Well," The clerk sighed, "Diamonds? Pearls? Other jewels?"  
  
"Princess cut diamonds, and sapphires, like her wedding ring," Chandler smiled. ~***~ "Joey, look what I bought her," Chandler entered the apartment.  
  
"Oh! Show me!" Joey dropped his meatloaf sandwich on the counter.  
  
"This," Chandler handed Joey the jewelry box.  
  
"A necklace," Joey reached for the box and opened it, he gasped when he opened it, "Can I marry you?"  
  
"Joey!" Chandler scolded, "Will she like it?"  
  
"She'll love it," Joey closed the box and returned it to Chandler, "How much did that cost?"  
  
"2, 500," Chandler admitted.  
  
"I thought our budget was 1,000?" Joey questioned.  
  
"It's Monica, moneys not an option," Chandler told him, "I just hope she loves me. Because they won't take that back."  
  
"When are you going to give it to her?" Joey wondered.  
  
"Probably tomorrow evening," Chandler answered, "I'm going to go over there after dinner." ~***~ Little beads of sweat were forming on Chandler's forehead as he picked out something to wear. He was totally nervous and wasn't sure if he was going to be able to go through with it. Finally he grabbed a polo dress shirt and pulled a sweater vest over it. With khaki pants as his bottom Chandler grabbed the box and letter he had written to Monica, and looked at the clock, he only had 20 minutes until it would be 7:30, the time he planned to head over to Monica's.  
  
"Hey Chandler," Joey called, "You want some pizza?"  
  
"No thanks," Chandler exited his room, "I'll probably get some all over my shirt!"  
  
"You look nice man, except that your sweating like you just ran 2 miles," Joey laughed.  
  
"Does it really look that bad?" Chandler suddenly became worried.  
  
"I'm only joking Chandler! You look fine!" Joey recovered, "Just calm down! Deep breaths."  
  
"What time is it?" Chandler asked.  
  
"7:20," Joey glanced at his watch.  
  
"Okay, I'm going over I can't wait any longer," Chandler said.  
  
"Good luck," Joey gave Chandler the thumbs up sign, "Go do it!"  
  
Chandler took a deep breath as he left the apartment. He stepped across the hallway and knocked on the door to Monica's apartment.  
  
"You just don't give up do you?" Monica asked as she opened up, "What?"  
  
"Monica, " Chandler sighed, "I love you, this is for you."  
  
Chandler placed the jewelry box and note in Monica's hand. Monica was taken aback and wasn't sure what to do. She finally took the envelope and opened it up.  
  
Dearest Monica, These last weeks and months have been hell. I never thought anything could be worse than losing our son. But, something is worse than that, losing you Monica. You're my wife and I married you, I love you! Come back, or let me come back. I love you and you are the best friend in the world, for the last weeks you've accused me of wanting you for sex, and I'm not denying that's great but its not why I love you! Please Monica, give me a chance! Love you always! Chandler Bing  
  
Monica's eyes teared up as she finished the letter. She clutched it to her chest and smiled at Chandler. Monica returned her attention to the box and opened it, the only sound in the hallway that could be heard was a gasp from Monica and then their heavy breathing. Her teary eyes met with Chandler's and she reached for him and enveloped him in a hug.  
  
"I love you," Monica whispered, "Thank you so much."  
  
"I love you too," Chandler broke the hug and pointed to her necklace, "Do you want me to put it on for you?"  
  
Monica nodded and turned from Chandler as he clasped it. She turned to face him and kissed him softly. Chandler trailed his hand along the side of her face and kissed Monica passionately. ~***~ Monica lay in bed with her head rested on Chandler's chest, "I missed you."  
  
"I missed you too," Chandler kissed the top of her head.  
  
"Chandler, I'm so sorry," Monica sighed, "I've been under so much stress and I guess I was kind of mad at you! And I took it out and I shouldn't have."  
  
"I'm not holding any grudges," Chandler smiled, "We lost Sean, but we'll always have each other and our memories of him and one day we'll be content just to miss him but we will move on!" ~***~ 


	6. TOW The Epilouge

"Come on Monica!" Chandler held his wife's hand, "One more push. You can do it!"  
  
Monica screamed as she squeezed Chandler's hand. It had been 2 years since Chandler had come back and she was giving birth to their first child after Sean. She rested her head back against the bed as the screams of the child filled the room.  
  
"Congratulations Mrs. Bing," The doctor held the child up, "You have a little boy."  
  
"Did you hear that?" Chandler kissed Monica on the forehead, "We have a boy! You did it!"  
  
"Can we hold him?" Monica wondered.  
  
"We've got to clean him up first," The doctor explained, "You just relax."  
  
Monica turned back to Chandler and grinned at him. Chandler stretched from Monica to see the child.  
  
"He looks a lot like you," Chandler explained.  
  
"Sean, looked like you, it's my turn," Monica smiled sadly.  
  
"Are you okay?" Chandler wondered.  
  
"I just was in labor for 3 hours," Monica commented with a sarcastic tone.  
  
"Really Mon, are you okay?" Chandler repeated.  
  
"I think so, I just want to hold him," Monica pointed to the baby in the incubator, "That'll make everything all better."  
  
"Here you go," The doctor placed the baby in Monica's arms.  
  
"Hi there," Monica kissed the forehead of the child, "He's so beautiful."  
  
"He is," Chandler softly ran his hand across the top of the baby's head.  
  
"Mr. and Mrs. Bing?" A nurse entered and knocked on the door, "Your family would like to see you now."  
  
"Family?" Monica asked Chandler in a whisper.  
  
"Let them in," Chandler shrugged.  
  
Rachel entered first followed by Ross, Phoebe and Joey.  
  
"Oh our family!" Monica chuckled, "Hi you guys!"  
  
"A boy!" Rachel hurried next to the bed, "Do you have a name for him yet?"  
  
"We haven't talked about it," Monica looked to Chandler.  
  
"Good job," Ross and Joey took turns hugging Chandler.  
  
"Well, I hate calling him just 'him'," Phoebe complained, "What's the name?"  
  
Chandler bent down to talk to Monica. They talked in hushed whispers and finally they smiled in agreement.  
  
"Ryan Jackson Bing," Monica announced in a smile.  
  
"That name is beautiful," Rachel leaned across Monica and planted a soft kiss on Ryan's forehead.  
  
"Monica, do you need anything? We'll go grab you some food," Ross offered, "  
  
"Its really late, and I'm not hungry I just want to sleep," Monica answered.  
  
"Well, I think that's our cue to go," Joey piped up.  
  
After exchanging goodbye's Chandler and Monica were left alone in the room. Chandler wrapped his arm around Monica and smiled at her. Just over 2 short years ago they had lost their first son. And now they had Colter- the only baby that could ever be as beautiful as Sean was. Chandler brought his lips to Monica's and they shared a short kiss. 


End file.
